January 30, 2010
January 27, 2010
***Just got off the phone with the nurse and my doctor. He wants me to add in one more estrogen pill a day, and come back in one week for another sonogram. If it hasn't improved, we'll have to cancel the cycle again. I asked him what we do next if this doesn't work. He said "We'll get you there. Keep your spirits up."
January 26, 2010
I'll update after my appointment in the morning!
January 18, 2010
(Okay...I'm beginning to sound a little crazy here!! =)
All of you are an inspiration to me for so many different reasons. Thank you so much for your friendship, even if it is just through internet connections!! You are a beautiful woman, and your blogs are beautiful!!
Betsy enjoyed the weekend too! I have just come to the realization that whenever I am home, she is my constant shadow! I love it!! Here she is Friday night, chilling next to me on the bed with her new favorite toy. Justin's sister and her family bought this pig for her at Christmas. On the inside is an empty plastic water bottle that makes wonderful crunchy noises that she just can't get enough of! And the fact that it is still in one piece amazes us...Betsy ALWAYS chews apart a cloth toy in a matter of minutes and pulls the stuffing out! This one only has a little bit of stuffing in the nose, but she has yet to bother it! It just cracks us up when she comes prancing down the hallway with it in her mouth, or will run back to the living room for it before we go to bed. Adorable!!!
On Friday, I did a whole bunch of errands, and then went on a movie date with my mom and dad. We went to see the movie Young Victoria, and it was really good. We like period movies, and are always interested in history, so we three really enjoyed it. Justin was glad he still had to work, and was very happy to have me see it with them instead of him! =)
Sunday night also kicked off another season of 24, and our 24 nights with my parents. Since it is a 4 hour, 2 night season premier, we have 2 date nights this week. SO much fun! We love this show, even though it drives us nuts with the amount of suspense they can pack into each hour!!! So far though, we're not too impressed with this season. The new CTU boss and the blond haired technology lady bother us a bit. But it will get better!!
January 13, 2010
So we didn't get the news we wanted today. My lining actually went down to a 6, so my dr cancelled the cycle. I have never actually had a cycle cancelled before... There has always been something that they could do to salvage it. But not this time. It just stinks. But he does have plan b that should start next week. I will post more details tonight... Have to get back to work right now. Thanks for your continued prayers...
So Dr. B gave me a Plan B/FET Take II, which is actually a lot better than I expected it to be. As I've been thinking about it today, I have realized that there are a lot more positives than negatives about this failed cycle.
First, the negatives...
~We have to wait longer to proceed. I'm just so tired of waiting! Obviously, I haven't mastered patience yet, and God is still teaching me.
~I pretty much had to eat the cost of the progesterone that I was supposed to start taking today. It only will last until Feb. 8th, and Dr. B said we most likely not need it by then.
Now for the positives...
~We didn't 'waste' our embryos on a cycle where my lining didn't get think enough to start. They'll still be there when it gets thick enough next time!
~I found out that the next time I will be able to change the way I can take my estrogen to build my lining...I will be adding estrogen patches, and I can take the estrace orally. (For those of you who get my drift on this--believe me--meds by mouth are MUCH better!!)
~The cost of the progesterone that we can't use isn't as much as it would have been if we didn't have insurance to cover a big part of it!! Plus, I can just give the extra to the office for other people to use if they needed. So it won't be fully wasted after all.
~We will get to start FET Take II much sooner that I thought. Since I have to force my cycle to start, I anticipated having to wait around two weeks to get started again. But he just had the nurse give me a shot of progesterone today that should start my cycle in 3-4 days! So we can get started with everything again next week! Yeah!
~I will get to enjoy a special weekend with Justin at the end of the month. At his work, Justin earned a National Sales Level and is being rewarded by a weekend at a resort that just happens to be here in Dallas. I will post more on this later, but I am thankful that I will really get to enjoy the weekend with him, without having to be on bedrest!!
I'm sure over the next few days, I will realize that there are even more positives about this situation. I am bummed that it didn't work the way we wanted it to, but I'm thankful that God is giving me hope, PATIENCE, and faith that He is in control. Thanks for your prayers!
January 12, 2010
Tomorrow morning I go for my lining measurement, so hopefully we'll be on our way into this FET journey! Thanks for all the prayers (for uterine lining--how crazy is it to pray for that?!) and encouragement. The last four days have been so much better than Friday was! I'll keep you posted!
January 8, 2010
So I guess this news is good, because, hopefully, we are still pretty much on track for the transfer on the 19th. But, I couldn't help it...I just sat in my car and cried. I cried all the way up to the cemetery to visit Jonathan's grave, and most of the way back home. I wish it could just be easy, that all measurements/steps on track with the expected norm. I wish my lining had been on the right thickness, and we could have proceeded on today. I wish it could just all be easier. But, I have to have hope and faith, and remind myself that I'm still on track. That I'm lucky to be even able to be doing this cycle with good quality frozen embryos. I'm just so wanting it to be in the past and be enjoying a healthy pregnancy. Actually, I really want to be done with a pregnancy with a healthy baby or babies in my arms. Thanks for your prayers...your comments...your love. I'll keep you posted.
**If any of you TTC-ers have ever been through a FET, and have any information, tips, advice about the process, I would love for you to share! After almost 6 years, I thought I was pretty on top of any process that we could have, but this one just seems different to me! Thanks for anything you can share!
January 1, 2010
But, one thing I am so incredibly thankful for this last decade is my wonderful husband. I never ever could have dreamed up such a wonderful husband to share my life with. (And, boy did I dream about my husband and try to imagine what he would be like as I grew up!!) Justin is my other half, my soul mate, the one person who I can completely be myself around. I don't feel whole when he isn't around, and no matter what life has (or hasn't) brought us yet, my life is complete with him.
But this last month, especially, has been really hard for me. I was really surprised and blindsided to have the Christmas season on 2009 be so incredibly hard. I had my share of melt-downs, quiet times, tears, in the midst of trying to enjoy what the season was really all about. I figured that the second Christmas after Jonathan died would be easier than the first, but was I wrong. I just couldn't get it out of my head that Jonathan should have been 13 months old, that we should have been watching him open presents with his cousin...I thought about the other babies that I wished had lived...I thought about the unfairness of it all, that we have been trying to have a family for almost 6 years, and our arms are still empty. It is just so hard. I feel like through all of this, I have been such a bad friend. I haven't really talked to anyone or returned emails in a long time. I'm sorry to any of my friends who I haven't responded to. I love you and I think about you all the time, I just couldn't this past month. I hope you understand!
I debated on whether to blog about our next step in trying to have a baby, but after thinking about it for the last few months, I think I've decided I'd rather have people know and praying. This month, we are going to do a frozen embryo transfer. We have 3 embryos frozen from the IVF cycle in October, and we are planning try again using them this month. We have decided that this will be the last try we do before moving on to surrogacy or adoption. And that is scary for me. In these last 5 1/2 years, we've never actually had a stopping point, and now we do. I want to be hopeful, believe that this time will be it, that I will get the privilege of carrying our child/children to full term. But I'm also so scared that the same thing will just happen again that has happened so many times before. Will you send some extra prayers up for me? That this cycle will work (finally!) and that God would give me faith and hope and a fresh trust in Him? I would really appreciate it!
And thank you to my blog friends who are walking the same road that I am. I can't tell you how much your posts, thoughts, scriptures that you've posted have encouraged me. There are so many days where I was so down, and then one of you would post something that would be so inspiring that I could hold on to. Thank you for being real through your journey--I don't know what this would be like if I didn't 'know' others going through it along with me. Love you!