Good news first...
My grandma is seeming to do much better! They actually only put 4 stents in, but feel like they got them in all the key locations. My mom said that she has color back in her face and looks more like herself. Today they begin the process of weaning her off the heavy medications, and hopefully she will be waking up this evening or by tomorrow. We're praying that she would wake up and begin the healing process without having to face any more hurdles!! I can't wait to hear her voice again!
Now for the bad news...
I had my sonogram this morning, and my lining actually had gone down. 2 days ago it was at 5.8mm, and today it was at 4.8mm. The follicles had hardly grown at all. So my doctor upped my medicine dose for 2 more days and I go in again on Friday.
Not the news I was wanting/praying/hoping/expecting to hear this morning.
My first thought after I saw it had gone down was, "Is God trying to tell me something?" I honestly don't know what to do right now, or how to feel. It is just so hard appointment after appointment getting terrible news. News that isn't hopeful. When do we say enough is enough?? And if we do stop, I just can't imagine the next months, or however long it would take, to start adoption or surrogacy. Am I ready to admit defeat? I know that really isn't what it is...that I have failed somehow...but it sure feels like it. I wish I had a clear-cut sign of what to do.
I'm tired. I'm discouraged. I'm heartbroken that this all just seems to be getting harder and harder. I'm sad that it makes the ones I love most feel helpless. I'm tired of feeling numb.
I want some glimmer of hope...even if it is just a speck.