December 2, 2009

Christmas funk...

I have definitely been in a Christmas funk so far this season...

I bet you couldn't tell on this blog with cute the new Christmas look. Even if you drove by my house, you would see lights on the roof line, and think we were for sure in the Christmas spirit. But so far, not even the 24/7 Christmas music has helped me out--very strange if you know me.

I am usually grinning from ear to ear when the first strain comes on and singing right along! I am usually so eager to get down my boxes of decoration and start covering the inside of the house with garlands, lights, stockings, and lots of other adorable things. But those boxes haven't come out yet, and I'm not sure that I have the 'oomph' to drag them out this year. Even the surprise beautiful snowfall didn't nudge me into the mood this morning.

We went to a Christmas event in downtown McKinney the other night, and I teared up many times as we were walking around the square. There were so many families with kids out enjoying themselves, and it just hurt to see them so happy. Just thinking about another Christmas without a baby, still not a mommy, with an empty nursery yet again is just making this season tough.

I'm praying that God would help to comfort my heart. I really am looking forward to going to Denver for a few days at Christmas to be with Justin's side of the family. I know I will be happy and excited when we are there. But I guess I just need to make it through this month, to trust God that maybe 2010 will be my Christmas year.

Guess I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm sure so many of you understand. I'll be back to happier posts soon--I promise!


Joy said...

Tonight I went to a prayer service at church, and we talked about this scripture:

"Cast all your cares on the Lord because He cares for you."

As our pastor talked, I couldn't get you off my mind. I didn't even know you were in a Christmas funk, but God apparently did, and I prayed for you. :-)

God cares for you, Aly. Sooooo much. He cares about what matters to you. And when the burden is too heavy for us, we must cast it back on Him...because His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.

We love you guys so much, and we cannot wait to spend Christmas with you!!!!!! :-) Many, many hugs!!

Riley Kai said...

You have every right to feel this way! I still feel the same way. I'm not going to give you all the cliche' things running through my head, beacuse I know all to wellhow that feels. Just know that people from all over are lifting you up while you are down:-)

Lianna Knight said...

I am so there with you Alyson. I took a HPT this morning and got yet another, BFN :( I was surely praying that a BFP would be my Christmas present.

Know that I'm praying for you too and asking God to please give you the comfort, patience, and hope that one day SOON you will receive your blessing.

Jodi Sue said...

We are continually thinking and praying for y'all!
Love you! Praying for a baby for you!!

Giggles said...

I totally understand how you feel. On Dec. 21st it will be two years since we lost our little boy. And seeing all of the families celebrating and enjoying the season tugs at my heart strings. I will say a prayer for you and your husband.

erica.jaggears said...

I know how you feel, that was my Christmas last year. I do contnue to pray for you daily and the plans that God has for you and Justin. You are already a mommy, and I know God will bless you with another child. Keep the faith!!!

Amy said...

Just wanted to say how much I appreciate the support you have been giving me. I know it can't be easy. But you have been so amazing. Please feel free to tell me enough at anytime. I totally understand. Your Baby Christmas is coming soon, one way or the other, I just know it!
Love you!
Amy (V.)

amy (metz) walker said...

I'm glad you shared your need to apologize for those feelings! I hope and pray every monumental moment and holiday will be different "this year". It's hard not to let the hope for the future rob me of the joy in today. I wonder if it ever gets easier.

Jodie said...

Thank you for being so open and honest with us. I so appreciate you being so real girl.

I love you and you don't have to be all Christmased out this year. Just focus on the true gift of this season in our Lord Jesus Christ. He won't mind if you're in a funk!

Chris and Jill said...

Hi Alyson,

I found your blog some time ago through Amy's blog. I just wanted to let you know that I feel the same way. After our own long struggle to become pregnant we lost our baby in late August through miscarriage. God has helped guide us through the grieving process but I often find myself succumbing to a spirit of fear. I know that God doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of hope. Your blog helps point me to it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.