I'm back home, and back to work, and it feels good. I needed to be back to work and busy again.
It was very nice to get away for a few days, and Justin and I had a great time down at the coast. I had a few days alone to pray, to cry, to wonder what to do next. Then Justin came and we just relaxed. The rollercoaster of infertility is so stressful, and time to literally do nothing was wonderful.Honestly, I don't know what the next step of our journey is. I know I need time for my heart to heal again. The emotional toll this is taking on my heart is huge, and I'm so thankful that God is here, carrying me through the pain, and bringing healing deep inside.
So now we are in the wait mode again. It seems like we could go in quite a few directions right now, but we don't know which way to go. If we decide to proceed right away with our frozen embryos, we can't start that process until January. We have also talked about the possibility of holding off on trying for biological children for the moment, and starting the adoption process. We have also talked about the possibility of using our embyros, but finding someone else to carry the pregnancy. My body seems to be doing the same thing over and over--not holding on to pregnancies. I feel like we have tried everything, including the highest dose of progesterone to try to hold a pregnancy, and still we had the same result...losing another baby. All that to say that we don't know really what to do right now, so we are just stepping back for a little bit. We are going to do some research, talk to some people who have been through this, talk to our doctors, and pray a lot. I know that, above all, I want Justin and I to be parents. We want a family. God knows how our family will be built--I thought I did, but am reminded (again...) that I'm not the one in control. I know that He is going to reveal it to us and I am going to trust Him.
Thank you again, so very much, for all your prayers and love. I've continually felt encouraged, blessed, and loved by all of my friends. Thank you for being here for me.