We have officially started the IVF process. For those of you who have been through it or close to someone that has, you probably know more that I do at this point! But I'm glad to be getting started. It seems very backwards that when you are starting IVF, desperately trying to get pregnant, that the first thing they have you do is start on a pack of birth control pills. Strange, but a must for the doctors to gain control of my cycle, so that the timing of all the shots and meds work perfectly. So here is a quick overview of our next few weeks...
Next 2-3 weeks--birth control pills, start Lupron injections on August 31st. This medicine keeps the body from ovulating on its own.
After that, begin Gonal-F shots...These I'm familiar with--they were the same shots that I used on the last 6 cycles of fertility treatments to make more eggs/follicles mature.
Once those meds have produced the right number of follicles/eggs, we do a egg retrieval, and then five days later, a transfer of the two perfect embryos I'm believing we are going to have!
Then we do progesterone shots, to hold the lining and sustain a pregnancy, well into the first trimester. These are the big needle shots--yikes!! Justin is going to have fun stabbing me with those--well, hopefully not too much fun!! =)
So...we have a lot of stuff going on in the next month and a half or so. Kind of overwhelming when I think about the huge amount of shots/meds that are going to be going into my body. I really want this cycle to work. No, that is an understatement---I'm desperate for this cycle to work. Like I said in an earlier blog, I'm trying to be hopeful, positive, and encouraged. I want to believe that this will be the one. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, and only focus on the present, to trust God. But, with my history of so many let-downs--negative pregnancy tests, miscarriages, and our loss of Jonathan, I'm really struggling. I even cried myself to sleep two nights ago, trying to come up with what I do next when this cycle doesn't work. Sad. I hate that feeling.
But...even in this, I'm trusting God. I hate the feeling of not being able to snap myself out of this funk, but I know that even through this, God is with us. God has provided for this moment, for us to be right where we are right now. Even though I am scared, maybe even just trying to cushion myself from the pain of another blow, I know that God's timing is perfect. And He has an amazing plan for our life. I can't wait to experience it, to live in the moments of raising our child(ren), not just in the limbo land of everything being on hold, waiting for them. I'm ready to be a mom.
Thanks for your prayers!!