August 12, 2008

A plan...

My mind has been just a mixture of emotions this week...Sometimes it is hard to know what to focus on. My tougher days I seem to focus on what I've lost and how much it hurts, and other days I'm reminded of and thankful for all God has been doing. Through it all though, the thought that keeps going over and over in my mind is, "what do I do now?" As I've said before, all I had planned was Jonathan. I wasn't going back to work this fall--all of my projects revolved around getting everything ready for him--I had officially focused on him, my baby I have been waiting on for 3 1/2 years. So now that the plan has changed, what do I do now?

Today, I'm so thankful that God showed me another small piece of His bigger plan...This afternoon I got a call from the secretary at my old school (where I worked at for 3 years). One of the teachers needed to have a long term sub to start the school year, and my old principal thought of me. They were so thoughtful, offering it to me, but also giving me the freedom to say no if I felt it was too soon. I prayed a lot this afternoon, and discussed it in detail with my mom and Justin throughout the afternoon. I wasn't sure if I was ready, but looking at it, I decided that it was the answer to my question of "what do I do?" Not only does it give me something to focus on while I'm in this waiting time period before we can start trying again, it puts me back with my "family" at my old school. My old staff was truly a family, and even going by the school today it felt like home. I have already gotten so many hugs and will continue to get hugs from them, and many of the teachers I'll be working with again were even at Jonathan's funeral. I know that this next 6 weeks is going to be just what I need--even though I definitely had not planned or even considered working this school year. I know that I will not go an hour without thinking about my sweet boy, but I know having a distraction and others to focus on will definitely help. I'm actually excited to be working with these 4th graders. Kids are amazingly sensitive and comforting and I look forward to 6 weeks with them. So, please pray for continued and quick healing for my body and my heart. I really am feeling much stronger, and I got the go ahead from my doctor to work, so I know that this will be good for me.
I'm thinking that when I'm up to writing about it, I'd like to share some of the details of our time with Jonathan. I'm not quite ready yet, but maybe I will be soon. Until then, I just wanted to share with you his sweet little footprint. Another blessing from the amazing hospital in Ft. Worth--all of the tangible things we have from our son... I'm still trying to focus on what I can be thankful for (I Thess. 5: 16-18)...my mom being here with me for two weeks, my dog that can read my mood and knows when to cuddle up with me, a job when I didn't even want one, friends to encourage me, friends who will just listen, and even cry with me, a loving husband, 23 weeks with my baby, and especially, a God who is carrying me through this all, because I am I sure I would not get through any of this on my own.

11 comments:

Diane said...

God is good...all the time! I know God has big things in store for you and I have no doubt you'll be a blessing to those kids and a sneaking suspicion that they just might be a blessing to you too! In Proverbs 3:5-6, God promises to direct our path if we trust Him...he never says he'll fully explain it to us. But we DO know He makes all things beautiful in His time! I love you!

Amy (Metz) Walker said...

Wow, sounds like He's providing! Glad you will be surrounded by people who love you...and you know those 4th graders are going to adore you!

I love you, sweet friend, and wish I could make it all better!

Cristina said...

Hey Alyson,
Thanks for blogging. I love that you keep us all posted on how things are going. The Lord has provided so many blessings through all of this and I know that he will continue to do so. Love you!

Shannon said...

I had a friend who carried her little girl full term and then lost her child...She went into the ER because she knew something was wrong, and they couldn't find her heartbeat. She was due that same week. I just wanted to say that being close to her through her rough time and reading your blog has inspired me. You both have such great strenth and I admire that!! I know it's a very rough time, but your faith in God will get you through it! I truely believe that the teaching job is something that God has given you to help you through this. Just in case you'd like to read her blog its aimeereeves.blogspot.com - sometimes it helps to know that others have experienced something similar.

Ryan and Joy said...

I'm so excited for you, Aly! The job sounds perfect....even the timing and number of weeks is perfect! Yay! God is good. :-) And He knew your needs even better than you did. :-)

Riley Kai said...

Today I am weak, your words made me stronger! Thank you so much for sharing!

TN Bakers said...

Oh Aly thank you for sharing your heart. You are in my prayers and thoughts constantly and I think you made a wise decision by accepting the teaching opportunity. As hard as it might be at first, it will help you to not be alone all day. I am here for you if you need to talk anytime.

Robyn Kitchings said...

Alyson,
I am beyond thrilled that we will get to have you at school again! I can't wait to be able to see you every day! We all love you so much and are so happy that you will be coming "home"! I hope that your time at Minshew will be just what you needed!
Love you!
Robyn

Tena said...

Although Robyn posted first, I wanted to echo her comments. We love you and are excited to be able to see our sister every day. It will be hard - but we'll stand with you and do anything you ask.
Love, prayers and hugs...

Brady said...

Sooo glad you will be back! Can't wait to see you and give you a hug! Ya' know Conner will be in 4th grade!

See you soon!
Jodi Sue :)

Jenny Brannan said...

I love you so much, Al! I am continuing to pray for your healing and am so glad that God is directing your path.